On Your Unsuitability for High Office
“you loved me as a loser, but now you're worried that I just might win”, Leonard Cohen for J.C. The minute they realise you might succeed in changing more than the occasional light bulb in the new old community centre, where the anti-apartheid meetings used to happen; the late Lord Lambton climbs out from between two prostitutes and into the next available issue of the Daily Express to urge votes for anyone but you; Earl Haig gets up from his grave to bang the table and tell us you’ve not successfully organised enough death to properly understand Britain’s defence needs in the twenty first century. The Telegraph mutters into its whiskers about your lack of experience – how you never once so much as successfully destroyed a bank; as former comedians gather in darkest Norwich and Lincolnshire to speak of your beige zip-up jackets. LBC Radio exclusively reveals your plan to give each failed asylum seeker, and anyone who’s ever taken an axe to a child, their own seat in the House of Lords; the same day, The Spectator gives retired General Franco space to expose your long term associations with known vegetarians and Mexican importers of fair trade coffee. While on Radio Four’s Women’s Hour the former editor of the News of The World and Dame Myra Hindley agree: the last thing this country needs right now is you. KEVIN HIGGINS Kevin Higgins was born in London and now lives in Galway, Ireland. He was a member of Edmonton Constituency Labour Party 1988-91, and recently rejoined the party as an overseas member. Kevin's fourth poetry collection, The Ghost In The Lobby, was published by Salmon last year. |